I have killed too many hoovers to count

In Memorium

Can’t show my respects

to the carcasses entombed

in the wooden box.

Too many hours coaxing them to suck.

Suck the fluff.

Loathed in life.

Bagless in death.

How many rot,

stiff,

but with pipes entwinned?

View their colours,

never fading.

Unplugged,

their dirge silenced forever?

We need a new hoover.

We buy an ice cream maker.

Sandwell Young Carers

We are great supporters of SYC and we went to the launch of their poetry book yesterday - it was a lovely afternoon, but the thing I found most touching was the way the kids were with each other. A girls stubbles over her words with emotion - they rally around her. One tiny girl has problems reading - another reads it into her ear and then she repeats. They were terrific. I was honoured to be there.

The Dodici Corde Guitar Duo

We went to the Cafe Abri on Friday night to hear The Dodici Corde Guitar Duo. Their guitars are authentic 1830 and it was music to sink into - very intimate. I could feel myself sitting up in whalebone in the salon by candle light. I have rarely enjoyed a concert more. A delight.

Early Music

I understand that early music is not music you listen to first thing in the morning. We are going out tonight to a concert - I think it is a guitarist. I will report back with more information when I get back.

Have had one nice reply to an email sent earlier this week - I feel better. Not quite so persecuted.

Did you hear David Edgar on Front Row with Julian Barnes last night? If you did I'd like to hear what you think.

EMAILS

Why don't people reply to emails - it is very frustrating. There was a time when people replied to emails - was it just the novelty, but now they don't.

It is so rude.

Anyway, I like my new colourful blog - lovely - still just one person is following me.

Waiting

As a writer you spend most of your time waiting. I hate it. Over the last week I have spent time preparing stuff and waiting for even an acknowledgement and nothing come. I've sent out invitations too and only one reply. I reply promptly to everything I get. Is it rude, callous or do others not care how you feel.

I don't like this blog very much because all I do is complain.

I have written a whole short play today, so I am feeling good with my creative juices. It's a jolly jap about a woman who decide to stand for parliament, because she reckons she must have a chance, because all politicians are viewed as corrupt.

WALK

I am going for a walk to cheer myself up - it has been an emotional weekend and I need to gather up and take control of the stuff I can control.

Dear Jonk is coming for a walk too - he is the love of my life.

Being hurt

The past comes up and bites you on the bum all the time. Well, it does for me. There are things that I have done, it seems, that are having a profound affect on people's lives now. This is all based on lies or maybe wishful thinking, or maybe madness. What might have happened is based upon a time when I was almost drowning trying to keep life going for a young family with an alcoholic for a father. The untruths now are very hurtful. And it seems that not only did I need to offer a different life then, but now I have to talk to someone now who does not want to talk to me. Part of the time in the past, I was ill - was the depression brought on by the death of a child, the violence of a partner or illness from an underactive thyroid that kept me exhausted? A combination of the whole lot, I suspect.

It just seems to me that he has managed to bring strife from beyond the grave.

I have been up to the grave - it seems that he was a 'beloved husband' - obviously not to me, not now- but to wife number two. But the hardest thing of all is that I did love him at the beginning.

Eventually, he said continuously that he loved me and that was used as a chain to keep me where I was. If someone says they love you then you have to love them back. Crazy.

Grandchildren

4 grandchildren stayed last night. They often do and it's lovely. But the smallest, screamed and screamed - bojela and calpol were administered, but you don't want to do it too soon, so we had 3 hours of screams. And of course, the others chat rather than go to sleep. One complains of nightmares, but hadn't gone to sleep.

Spring

The wood at the bottom of our garden is ancient. It's a lovely dog walk - I do it several times a day. Yes, there is urban litter, but there is also catkins and pussy willow. Everything is just starting to burst.

A Good Day

Took part in the BioBank Project and went to the doctor about my funny foot. The good news is that my blood pressure is fine, my blood sugar is good, my heart rate is great and I have low, yes, low collesterol. Fantastic! I am also fat - this I knew.

Cover? Book cover? what do you think?

Canalside Suppers

We have these suppers once a month for our favourite charity - Sandwell Young Carers - and every time we have such a lovely evening. Last night Jonk made his mushroom ravioli in a cream and leek sauce, mung bean and vegetable pie with Mediterranean roasted potatoes and grindled courgette. I did clotted cream and raspberry ice cream and chocolate brownie.

I like to eat and make decent ice cream. A couple of years ago, we really needed a new hoover, so we bought an ice cream machine.

And thank you to Rosie, Ross, Mike, Linda, Russell, June and Linda for their company and their donations - it was terrific to share food and good company.

Website is working

After lots of effort I have redone my website (no explanation as who want went wrong) - it is up and running - I am very pleased.

So, it's www.roaringgreasepaint.info

We restart our Canalside Suppers tomorrow night. We hold a supper party once a month at home for Sandwell Young Carers - it's a charity we care about. People come and then pay us what they think they would have paid for the meal in a restaurant and we give the money to SYC. It has been a hoot and the mainstay of our social life. Anyway, it's vegetarian tomorrow night and I can smell the brownies for the dessert in the oven now. Oops, that's the pinger - must get them out of the oven.

No website

If you (is there anybody reading this?) tried to get into my website you will know that it has disappeared.

I am devastated, because I know that in terms of life, having a pretty website is not important, but I really liked it and I worked hard at it. I am gutted.

I have all the bits and pieces to put it back together - and I tried to do that this morning - and damn me it won't do it - each page layers on top of each other - ugh!

So, i've sent an email and I hope the company that I used to make the website can help.

I need to chill. I need to relax.

Long Day

Today, I have spent with two of my grandchildren. The four year old boy is so charming. We have such good conversations. Much of the day was spent playing with a yellow balloon in the lounge.

'Who do you want to be your partner?' he asked himself.

"Nanny' he replied.

Our thirteen month old poppet is mastering the art of walking, having spent a couple of months walking on her knees. Today, she has got the hang of not just walking from one place to another, but walking across a room and then turning and walking in another direction - magic.

Nice man

Very helpful nice man - he rocks and has told me to get the horse before the cart - he is so right. Now I have to work out if I'm going for the racehorse or the donkey. I need to think.

Frozen morning - but ENERGISED

Fantastic morning here Canalside - it's frozen the canal. The ducks are waltzing on the ice. Sandy and I have been for a trot around the wood.

Have an appointment with nice man at the theatre - trying to work out what I need to say - I am very poor at networking. I go in with a chip on my shoulder.

Hello nice man, will you please commission me to write this enormous play that will be transferred to the West End and pay me a huge amount of money?

Oh yes, of course, we were hoping a transfer to Broadway and a film too.

Mmmm, I think that would be OK with me.

Old friends

Saw an very old friend this weekend - lovely. Beautiful house and gorgeous cars. When you haven't kept close contact over the years there is so much you've missed out on - I think I went on a bit about my traumas. It has been colourful. maybe their lives have been equally so... I should have shut up more and maybe listened.

Nice to be home. And with the dog - he's fluffy again because my granddaughter loves to bath him.

Busy week - I am seeing three theatre people for advice about my career (or lack of it). See, I am my own worse enemy - I'm putting myself down again.

I must sprinkle myself all over with confidence, before leaving the house.

Mum's birthday

Today would have been my mother - Gwenfil Mary Alexandra Griffiths's 99th birthday. Gosh, I miss her - I pass the phone and I know there is someone I should ring and it's always her.

She was always optimistic and looked forward - so must I. I am going to attack today with enthusiasm.

Well, I've already plumped the cushions and hoovered - all before 7am.

I feel so fed up

I feel very alone.

Decision

This may be mad, but I have decided that I am going to produce another two books on Lulu and then go to the London Book Fair. This is masses of work over a short time and may not yeald any rewards at all. It also takes me away from UnCommon Ground and I should be getting on with that.

I've just heard that I have a grant for a course I want to do with the Arvon Foundation. It's on Life Writing with Irma Kutz in October. I'm dabbling in a memoir. I will write it, but like all writing thinking about it is the most important thing. Writer's will tell you about how they produce so many words per day, but they never talk about the thinking process.

It's going to be a difficult day today - I must keep busy.

A Light in the Attic

Sergia sent me a wonderful book of poems and illustrations - A Light in the Attic. Read some to Pens today. The one to get the biggest laugh 'They've put a brassiere on the camel'. I'm hoping for some interesting comic verse next month - so we can publish our own collection.

Pens of Erdington

The first and second Wednesdays of the month are special, because I head for Erdington Library where I take Pens of Erdington Creative Writing Group.

The first group on the first Wednesday are the group that has been meeting for over 12 years, though I have been involved coming up for 18 months. With this group, I give a theme and the members write about it and then the following month they share their writing. We have also produced the Little Book of Smells.

The second group are all working on their own bigger projects - novels, mostly.

Anyway, today I will be going into the warmth of the Library, meeting my friends and enjoying their writing. It is always a joy.

A FOLLOWER

I have a follower! My dear old friend Doctor Clare. I love you Clare. One day soon life is going to be boring. Here Canalside life is always exciting. Things hit you sideways - kerpow! Anyway, I hope your new house is hunky dorey.

So things that are better as you get older?

6. History programmes and books - you have personal knowledge, because you were there.

Cake

Gave Jan a copy of my book Cake! Had a lovely text from her on the train. It seems people were smiling at her reaction to Cake! It seems she loved it. Thank you, Jan

Books we like

Spent time in Waterstones with my friend Jan today. We look for books we have enjoyed. We get excited when we see something we consider a good read - then there's the decision is it worth the money now. If it's new, it'll be ages before it hits the library and by that time we will have forgot that it is a recommendation. Mmmmmm....yes, how much? Three for two? £4.99 if you spend over £10? In the end I got 5 books for £26 - no P&P to pay like when I buy from Amazon. No, just £8 in the car park.

St David's day

Happy St David's Day!

History

Today I am meeting an old friend in town - we walk around the shops - we are not really very interested anymore, but our tour around prompts conversation - we don't actually need prompting.

Like on Saturday, I meet up with old friends and we walked around the space place - what the heck, we saw a space toilet, but actually conversation doesn't need stimulating - there is too much to fit in and I'm not talking sputnik here.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to my day out.

Being with people that you don't have to watch your Ps and Qs with and you are able to just carry on the conversation from last time is one of the many wonderful things about getting older.

Right it's time to write a list. Good things about getting older.

1. You have valued friends who have stood the test of time, who you can talk to without any niceties and carry on a conversation with from the last time you meet.

2. You can hug old friends and not let go for ages, without feeling a pervert.

3. Friends you don't have any longer from the past are not there for good reasons.

4. You realise that you don't have to be friends with everybody.

5. You know that those who boost that they have hundreds of friends lie.