The past comes up and bites you on the bum all the time. Well, it does for me. There are things that I have done, it seems, that are having a profound affect on people's lives now. This is all based on lies or maybe wishful thinking, or maybe madness. What might have happened is based upon a time when I was almost drowning trying to keep life going for a young family with an alcoholic for a father. The untruths now are very hurtful. And it seems that not only did I need to offer a different life then, but now I have to talk to someone now who does not want to talk to me. Part of the time in the past, I was ill - was the depression brought on by the death of a child, the violence of a partner or illness from an underactive thyroid that kept me exhausted? A combination of the whole lot, I suspect.
It just seems to me that he has managed to bring strife from beyond the grave.
I have been up to the grave - it seems that he was a 'beloved husband' - obviously not to me, not now- but to wife number two. But the hardest thing of all is that I did love him at the beginning.
Eventually, he said continuously that he loved me and that was used as a chain to keep me where I was. If someone says they love you then you have to love them back. Crazy.
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